Day 11 Sunday

The high has gone and it has been replaced with a strange sense of calm. We head out for lunch at a local cafe that is a decent walk away but not too far. It was closed for renovations and by now I need to sit down but I have no choice but to walk back home again. This is tricky and by the time I get home the back pain is increasing.

I went to the chemist, and with pride handed back the fentanyl and explain that I had detoxed and no longer need them. I deal with this pharmacist all the time but he is a dick, he doesn’t even comment or react to what to me is my momentous news. This is the problem with these types of large supermarket-like pharmacies; they have no interest in their client’s welfare. My old small town pharmacist would have been ecstatic for me and given me a big hug (not that I like hugging but I would have appreciated it). We did some grocery shopping and headed home but unfortunately this was too much exertion for me.

By the time I got home I was exhausted and the pain was increasing. Kay phoned as I walked in the door, I told her the pain was excruciating and I started to cry. The hospital had told me to phone if I needed anything so I called them and BG answered. She spoke to Nick and told him to phone Malik or go to a GP or emergency department at a hospital. Nick phoned Malik but the office works business hours. I worked hard to manage the pain and it started to subside.

The pain returned and was worse than anything I have ever felt, my pain score was 7.5 to 8. I was sweating profusely, my face was wet, this was worse than when I received multiple skull fractures.

I was struggling with the back pain, I was left in bed at the hospital for too long and it has obviously caused issues in my back but I didn’t feel the pain until the ketmaine was stopped.

I walked, I lay on the floor, I stretched. I had been taking two Panadeine Forte every four hours since Friday night. I timed them and never took them even five minutes early. I took a Celebrex (anti- inflammatory) and tried to hang in there. I didn’t want to go to emergency as I didn’t think they would help me because of the journey I had been on. These types of drugs and treatment are not the type that you can obtain unless you have a proven, extensive history. They would probably think I was some prescription drug addict.

At about 7.30pm I had had enough and we drove to the emergency that fortunately was very close to home. The staff were wonderful and I was given a bed quickly and they started tests. I decided not to mention my last week’s treatment (to Nick’s annoyance) as I thought it would complicate everything and they wouldn’t treat me. The nurse tried to put a cannula in the back of my left hand which was very bruised from the one that had been removed 48 hours before. It was too painful for me. She moved to my right elbow and it was pretty rough but she got it. I was given morphine, anti-inflammatory and oral Valium. It only gave me mild pain relief, I could manage it better but it was still tricky. I asked for more morphine but was told it wasn’t allowed and I was offered an Endone. I said I didn’t want it as I had given up on Endone years ago as it didn’t work. She asked me what worked and I said “nothing”. She convinced me to have it as it would take the edge off.

By now Nick was getting angrier and angrier about me lying to the staff so I agree to confess and we call the doctor in. This information changes her plans for me and she asks me what I want. I say I want to go home, so she sends me home with two Tramadol and two Valium to get through the night.

Khloe has arrived at home and she phones saying she knows something is wrong as the house is empty but the TV is on and mum has left a gin and tonic beside the bed! Khloe and Nick talk on the phone. At 11.30pm we get home. Nick is exhausted and wants to go to bed. I join Khloe in the other bedroom and over the next couple of hours we chat and I have two glasses of wine. I need pain relief, relax and sleep. At 2am Khloe and I agree to call it a night.