Anastasia's perspective

When Karen first told me about the ketamine treatment it was almost like she was telling me that she was going to do something that she was ashamed of. She didn’t want anyone to know. This was more an indication though that she is a very private person and only shares with those she trusts.

Karen’s anxiety leading up to the treatment was reasonable for someone doing something that they could find pretty much no information on. As a fellow control freak, she was putting herself in the hands of others. Knowing that she would probably not be in control of what would happen to her and possibly even what she thought and said. No mean feat! The fear of sharing a room was present in every conversation we had leading up to the day she found out that she could buy the room. The need to prepare, have things to do and worrying about her business also weighed heavily on her.

I spoke to Karen on the phone the first and second day she was in hospital. Mainly around the process and frustration that although she checked in on the Thursday, she couldn’t start the treatment until the Saturday. I was worried. Karen sounded very stressed. I wondered how Nick would cope. At least she got the private room. There is no way that she could have done this in a shared room. I planned to visit the next day.

I texted Karen just before 8am on Saturday morning. I would never have done this normally as there usually isn’t a chance of getting her before 10. With the morning regiment of hospital care though I was pretty confident that she would be at least awake and needing distraction. She had in fact been up and dressed for an hour. I asked if she needed anything and she said a microwave and a kettle as she hated that nothing was hot. I offered to bring coffee but there was a café there. Not being dressed yet myself at that point, I threw some things together and headed over to the hospital. I’d expected her to be up but not necessarily ready for me to visit so early.

I found Karen dressed in her room. They had her hooked up to the machine that she aptly named Roger. I got the tour; a window without a view but ample light and a little ensuite. It wasn’t much after 9 and she was well and truly ready to get out of there. Karen had called Nick to say that I would be there and he said he’d be in about lunchtime. We wandered down to the café to have a coffee, knowing that Roger’s schedule would take priority over ours. With a little bit of time up our sleeve we negotiated the segregated mat and automatic doors and escaped to a park bench a short distance from the entrance way. Apparently Nick had not been prepared to take this cross country adventure the day before. We took a photo and chatted. She was worried that she’d lose her sense of humour. Nick took a much better photo which she sent to me later that day. He had taken her out after all.

Upon returning to the room for Roger’s top up, we discussed what she might like Nick to bring from home. We came up with a short list of items and joked about adding in a few kooky ones. I believe a painting for the wall and a statue were mentioned. Nick is a good sport and far too sensible to take our nonsense seriously.  Karen seemed in a heightened state of wanting to be in control and just waiting for the effects of the ketamine to kick in. Shortly after Nick arrived I departed, thinking that I would return tomorrow. I remember thinking that it was such a lonely place by yourself with your own thoughts.

  

I texted Karen at 6:50am (boy was I game) the next morning (Sunday). I’d been writing school reports so was up and about. She was ready for me and had told Nick we would do the same as yesterday. She texted me, “But I have to warn you, I am not like yesterday, I am not normal, bring work to do”. And she wasn’t.

I had brought report stuff to do but really didn’t do any of it. Karen was all over the place. She was worrying about getting her pain meds. Very frustrated at not to be able to get the internet working and as the morning went on going round in circles in emotional conversation. Not very Karen like at all. I was told plainly at one point that I was treating her like a child and shouldn’t. What she didn’t realise was that she kept repeating or asking for the same information. The nurses said this was normal.  She was frustrated with the top she was wearing and I helped her swap it over. I checked at the desk and found out that the internet was down across the group of hospitals and that it was being worked on, but unlikely to come back on today. We only ventured as far as the café today as she was unsteady on her feet and needed help maneuvering Roger.

To cope with the anxiety, I kept trying to draw her back to positive thoughts. She’d start worrying about her dad finding out. I reminded her that Nick wouldn’t let that happen. But then she was worried that she’d make Nick cross with her with all her neediness. I reminded her that Nick had more stock than that and that he would cope just fine. Then she’d worry that Kay hadn’t called her back about work and there were all these things to resolve. She didn’t trust herself on the phone and asked me to call Kay, who also reassured her that everything that needed to be done was being done. She spent a lot of time worrying that they’d forget to give her, her ‘real’ pain medication. She’d had a bad experience with a nurse who she had named an “orderly” the night before and this was playing on her mind. He’d refused her sleeping tablets after 2am as was hospital policy, been very abrupt according to Karen and given her a fright at one point which caused her water to be knocked over. Not a pleasant night for her. She got me to speak to the nurse about getting two sleeping tablets that night. When Nick arrived she did not want us to have a conversation privately about how she was doing. We did anyway. Sorry Karen.

She called me about 6pm that night and was still very agitated. I had to use lots of calming phrases and we talked through logical plans. She was super worried about not getting the sleeping tablets at 10pm.

I messaged her at 10:30 to see if she had gotten her sleeping tablets.

Karen: “The “orderly” has brought them I’m freaking out a bit I didn’t want to see him again.

Me: Hopefully after you take them you’ll sleep though. If you’re really worried ask to see another nurse. Just say that he makes you anxious because of the drugs. You’d feel more comfortable with a female.

Karen: It’s all sorted a nice nurse has just left.

Me: Perfect! Now you can take your tablets and get a good night sleep.

Karen: Done thanks for everything

Me: My pleasure. I’m here if you need me

Karen: Gracias I just pushed Rogers button to shut him up – I said I am well loved

Me: Night Roger Night Karen

Karen: Roger that

Me: Lol

Karen: I can still do it

Me: Yes you can but sleep now

Karen: Need to write that I suspect Michael Jackson mother’s milk that he died from is similar to this treatment

Me: Done

I messaged her at 6:50am the next morning (Monday) and she asked me to call her. Her biggest worry was that she would have no visitors during the day and how would she occupy herself.

Karen messaged me to call her to take notes at 10:30am blissfully unaware that I was teaching. I called on a break and took notes.

I called in the evening after Nick had visited. She had been hearing things and was very unsure of herself.

She messaged me at 2pm the next day (Tuesday) asking to talk. She was petrified that they were going to move her into a shared room. An administrator was trying to convince her to move. Pretty unprofessional from my point of view. I rang Nick after calming her down. He was dealing with it. It was sorted.

We spoke each day until she was able to go home on the Friday. It’s an experience to see someone that you care for, lose themselves for a week. Not one that I’d like to repeat too often. I worried for her to the point that I nearly took time off work to go in until arrangements were made for other friends to visit during the week.

It surprised me that it took so long for the drug to lose its effect on Karen in the weeks that followed her treatment. Being able to wake up earlier without the fuzz though, must have been an amazing feeling for her.

Karen is a strong capable woman who never complains about her pain. Nick is an awesome man whose strength through this process was amazing. They are both very lucky to have each other. I admire Karen for going through this process and putting this Blog together so that others can learn from her experience.