The concern about what will I do for nine days has now changed
to: will I be able to achieve all I want in nine days? My lists are growing, I
have business paperwork to do but I am concerned I might not be able to concentrate
enough to work or study. A friend also suggests that I download audio books in
case reading is difficult. Now I am
worried that I am too prepared, my fear of having nothing to do seems to have
made me very busy. For someone who doesn’t believe she is a worrier I am
doing a lot of worrying! I’m also not getting much sympathy from people close
to me who say they would love to have nine days with nothing to do, lucky me.
I discuss the drug changes with my wonderful osteopath,
Jacques, who says you are going to be so much sharper when you come off the fentanyl.
I ask him whether we want me any sharper and he agrees that we don’t!
To cover for the fact that I am disappearing for nine days I
try telling people that I am having “a procedure” but I find this prompts more
questions so I am now saying I’m having “a medication adjustment” and that
seems to be working better, plus it’s the truth.
My business partner Kay and I run an online business so we
can work anywhere. She asks me to step away from our business for the nine days
but I refuse to, saying I will be bored, I’ll need to work. She looks very
worried so I say: ok I promise that if you tell me that I am out of line I will agree to stop
working. She looks even more concerned and says and what if you don’t listen to
me? I reply with: how about if both you and Nick tell me I have to stop working
I promise to do so? She still doesn’t look happy but agrees to this compromise.
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